Effective Communication In Relationships - Your Key To Success

I know you've heard it so often that it probably sounds like a cliche, but effective communication in relationships is the number 1 way to make sure that your good relationship stays good. It's not just about being able to talk about your problems, it's also about being able to share your hopes, dreams and goals and letting the other person know how much you care.

It never ceases to amaze me when people are on the phone with their spouse how they'll end the conversation with a casual 'love you too'. I'm not saying that's bad, but I am saying that this 'habit' is just one example of how we think that we're telling our partner how we feel when we're really not.

It's way too easy to say what you're expected to say with no real meaning behind the words. We all do it. That is at the basis for poor communication skills in a relationship. If I asked one hundred people if they talk to their spouse as openly and candidly as they do their best friend, I'll bet around 90 of them would say 'no'.

That's because many of us just hold our tongue because we don't want to rock the boat. If things are going well you don't want to bring up uncomfortable subjects and ruin the good mood. And if things are going bad you've got enough to deal with without bringing up more issues. So the 'bad' things never get talked about.

Or at least they never get talked about until you're really angry at your spouse and then it all comes out like a tsunami and your spouse is likely feeling a little blindsided. I think we've all been guilty of doing that at one time or another.

It's important for the two of you to be able to talk to each other in a safe environment. Your partner has to know that if they want to talk about something that you're not going to 'attack' them. Whether it's getting mad and yelling, or trying to make them feel guilty because they hurt your feelings. It's all an attack and it's all very manipulative. The point is you have to be willing to listen to it all, good and bad.

Of course, the same exact thing holds true for your spouse too. It's got to be give and take. You should both be willing to listen to the issues the other one has and you should both be able to talk about the issues you have, without being punished by getting the cold shoulder or being yelled at.

Most of this will start with each of you having enough self confidence to not take everything personally. If your spouse tries to talk to you about a problem and all you hear is "you're not good enough" or "you're not smart enough" or "I don't love you" than the issue is with you, not them. Get that fixed first.

Do yourself and your partner a favor, take the time to learn
the skills to effective communication in relationships.

If you're a guy, and you have been dumped by your girlfriend, then you have a pretty good idea of how hard it is to understand. How to win an ex girlfriend back is, to be blunt, no easy task, but it is entirely possible. However, you have to have a plan and go about it the right way. What follows will give you your best chance of getting back together, assuming you are 100% certain that you really want her back.

The first step is to stop. Stop. Stop whatever your current plan is, and take some time to calm down. Going through a break up is always an emotional experience. The problem is that all too often those emotions work against us. Besides, charging full speed ahead with unchecked emotions is not a plan, and that's what you need. You have to think things through.

If you have been hounding your ex girlfriend in the hopes that she will just talk to you, then it's time to stop. Yes, you would like a chance to explain your side if things and plead your case for getting back together, but now is not the time to do so. You need time away from her, and she needs time away from you. This time allows both of you to come to terms with what has happened. Besides, the longer she doesn't hear from you, the more she may realize how much she misses you.

During this time it's important that you look back at your failed relationship with an open mind. You will be looking for the things that went wrong and what your role was in those things. Do not feel guilty about what happened. The goal here is to identify the problem areas and then see how you can fix them.

Now that you have given her some time alone and found out what went wrong, you can take the next step to win an ex girlfriend back. The next step is to talk to her. Now, don't lay everything out all at once. Keep your first conversation low key and positive. You shouldn't mention anything about your break up, and you shouldn't mention anything about your plans for getting back together either. Not yet.

As you start talking more and more, you can start to talk about your relationship. Let her know what you did wrong, and apologize where needed. Assuming everything is going well, you can now talk about the possibility of getting back together. If you want to win an ex girlfriend back, then you will have to tell her how it will be different, and explain how you have changed for the better. If she accepts, then it's just a matter of you sticking to your word and being happy together.